Going out in Belgrade

Monday, I decided, was Belgrade’s ‘big going out’ night. Belgrade begged to differ. This, and my decision against venturing anywhere near the city’s famed disco boats, set me off in the wrong direction.

Instead, I headed for the promising ‘O.U.R. Bar’, which was written up as a home of live jazz and a “mature” audience. It looked ideal. My trip up from Slavija was far more complicated and lengthy than the map in the guidebook suggested and involved doubling back, giving a prostitute directions (or more accurately, trying to tell her I didn’t know where she was going)*, then hopping on a tram under a sky which didn’t look too clever.

By the time I eventually arrived, I was looking forward to some hard bop or - I don’t know - a little Mr Pickwick freestyle, or even a spot of off-kilter revisionist swing. Instead, O.U.R. was firmly lost up its own backside, getting by on a Monday, reasonably enough, by cosying up to a few well heeled customers with casually distributed bar snacks. No live music in sight; no sax, sousaphone, trumpet or clarinet. Nothing. I was grateful, however, for the plate glass frontage enabling me to take an informed decision before turning on my heels and heading off.

I ended up, both on that evening, and on my last en route to Sofia, in a perfectly decent theatre bar. Akademija 28 is a little effete and not somewhere you’d frequent for long, but it was comfortable and unobtrusive. It featured decent upholstery, table lamps and E Piaf, E Presley and M Monroe. That sort of place. A bit camp to be honest.

*Frankly, the prostitute conversation could have been quite different and was a little more nuanced than written. This was a lady who may not have been a lady. Certainly, s/he looked feminine, save for one or giveaways (man-face, man-voice, Adam’s apple). Very tall, incredibly glamorous, with hot pants and unfeasibly long legs. S/he looked like s/he needed directions, though s/he didn’t speak English. And s/he seemed, too, to be on her way somewhere, so was almost certainly NOT soliciting. Besides, I’d like to think I don’t look like someone looking for business.